Friday, September 30, 2005

Rocket Guy's "Better Tomorrow Toys"

Let's face it, today's safety standards have made toys less fun. The Consumer Product Safety Administration is pretty anal about how something could be misused. In the good old days, you could buy toys that, if you misused them, you could lose an eye or a finger. Do you remember Lawn Darts (called "Jarts"?) and build-your-own rocket kits? Toys today, especially the outdoor variety just plain suck. I'd be surprised if you could buy a "Slip-n'-Slide" without some sort of 'guardrail bumper' feature. And I'd dare anyone to find a winter sled with real metal runners. You know, the kind that would slice through flesh and bone like a hot knife through butter.

Yep, it must sure be one hell of a fight trying to get toys made these days. Think of all the really great toys out there that just didn't make the cut...had that one fatal "flaw" that the CPSA found. Well, Rocket Guy has an idea. You remember Rocket Guy don't you? His real name is Brian Walker. You might have heard him on the radio or seen him on television. He was on Conan O'Brien, Good Morning America and Howard Stern. Chuck Palahniuk wrote about him. He's that guy. The first person to build his own rocket -right in his own back yard- and shoot himself into outerspace. But aside from that he's also a toy maker. And yep, you guessed it, Rockets. He makes toy rockets. And, of course, real rockets to shoot himself into outerspace with.

Anyway, a line of toys called 'The Better Toys of Tomorrow' is his idea. There going to be designed so that if a child has an IQ below a certain level, they wouldn't survive the toy. So you weed out the gene pool at a young age. "Stupid kids aren't nearly as dangerous as stupid adults, so let's take them out when they're young" he says. "I know it's sounds cruel but it's a reasonable expectation." He also wants to do a line of toys for blind kids called 'Out of Sight Toys'.

Ha! You see, I told you we were not alone in our absurdity. So there!


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Friday, September 30, 2005 6:51:00 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

Killer toys sounds like a perfectly reasonable enterprise. After all it was deadly toys/farm impliments that weeded out the weak for centuries. Perhaps this guy could start a "Kids with Guns" program as well.

Friday, September 30, 2005 4:28:00 PM  
Blogger Epictetus said...

I thought the "Kids with Guns" programme was already started by the NRA!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 12:07:00 PM  

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