Sunday, May 14, 2006

Bear-ly an Issue

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company has done it again... They offended the hyper-sensitive.

Recently the company released a new teddy bear that appeared to be pregnant and wearing a shirt that read: "Bear-foot and pregnant." Some feminist group complained and Vermont Teddy Bear stopped making the bear. This comes around a year after the "Crazy for You Bear" which was marketed for Valentines Day was discontinued after NAMI lodged complaints. Incidentally both lines of bears sold out very quickly. My deduction... the majority finds nothing wrong with these teddy bears, but in a hyper-sensitive world what should we expect?

My absurd man solution is let's give them something to really be offended over. Here are some ideas for new teddy bears:

"Bearly Stalking You" Bear - comes complete with a Myspace account and a pair of binoculars.

"Bearly Drinking and Driving" Bear - this bear would have car keys in one paw and a bottle in the other.

Any other ideas out there?


Blogger Gaius Germanicus said...

How about the bearly legal teddy. Complet with schoolgirl outfit and a box of condoms!

Sunday, May 14, 2006 7:17:00 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

How about Un-Bearable Depression. It could come holding a variety of solutions; noose, pill bottle, gun. You get the idea.

Sunday, May 14, 2006 9:31:00 PM  
Blogger Epictetus said...

The "Bearly Alive" bear. Incomplete with missing limbs, eyes, stuffing, etc. IV drip sold separately.

Monday, May 15, 2006 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

Bear-ly Born Bear, this would be a baby bear born with its brains sucked out, or some similar partial birth abortion technique.

I declare that I am the winner, now give me my cake.

Monday, May 15, 2006 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Erasmus said...

Dave, You're bear-ly born bear is not the winner since it would probably be used by Planned Parenthood to make abortion look cute and cuddly.

Keep the ideas coming!

Monday, May 15, 2006 2:15:00 PM  
Blogger Erasmus said...

Bear-ly hunting bear. Comes wearing a sweater with a red maple leaf, carrying a hakapik, and a Canadian seal hunting liscence.

Monday, May 15, 2006 2:17:00 PM  
Blogger Gaius Germanicus said...

Stripper bear- plastic shoes and a g-string!

Slave bear (bear will not come in brown due to negative implicactions).

Gimp Bear

Imigrant bear

Leather-lover bear.

Son 0f Sam Bear

Bearly Manson bear

We could go on with the serial killer theme I suppose.

Adolf Bear

I love a facial bear.

I can believe I am about to hit post.

Monday, May 15, 2006 2:46:00 PM  
Blogger Gaius Germanicus said...

How do I edit comments without deleting them?

Monday, May 15, 2006 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger Scheherazade said...

How 'bout BEER BELLY BEAR. You know, something for the 60% obese Americans to cuddle and substitute for comfort food and drink.

However, the bloated belly could also be used as a secret stash for cookies, candies, and other edible contraband...

It was Erasmus' kind words to my own post that brought me here, funny, stoic, dead men.

I actually made some substantive revisions to DIVINING THE COMEDY, if you have time Erasmus, please tell me if it still works. I'm a desperate poet pimping for attention, I know, I know...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 11:14:00 AM  

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