Creative Solutions to Modern Problems
Absurd Men Speak is dedicated to solving modern problems (frankly because there is no money in solving ancient ones). So many times policies and actions are called into question without alternatives. People are so ready to point the finger. Not here. The following are solutions proposed by Absurd Men to solve "Poverty".
1) When dealing with the issue of poverty why must we re-invent the wheel? Our forefathers had an answer and it was called debtors' prison. If one did not have the money to pay bills then it was off to prison until the family could raise the money to release them. This sounds like a simple incentive program to me. Perhaps even those who find themselves in a poverty situation could staff the prisons. Now that is capitalism at its best!
There is yet another benefit to re-instituting debtors' prisons... I foresee a literary renaissance starting. Daniel Defoe spent time in a debtors' prison. Charles Dickens's father was in a debtors' prison thus forcing young Charles to work in a blacking factory at the age of twelve. Would Dickens have the gritty insight for his stories without this life experience? O. Henry spent time in prison (not debtors' prison, but prison nonetheless). There seems to be a connection between incarceration and creativity. So if we want more Defoes, Dickens, and Henrys we had best re-institute debtors' prisons now! --- Erasmus
2) It would be in the best interests of this great nation to put the unused masses to work. Perhaps a massive public works program can provide the necessary training and discipline to get these people back on their feet. We've all heard of the Big Dig in Massachusetts. Our government could start a more literal Big Dig in Nevada to create a second Grand Canyon.
Those who are unemployed or working poor who refuse to work can be made to work on a duplicate of one of our most beloved yet awkwardly named national treasures. Income, education, and tourism can all be bolstered by toiling in the hot sands of Nevada. We can prove that man can work faster than erosion. We can prove that man can solve poverty with mindless, back-breaking work. We can prove that our naming of things is quite lame by calling it the Great Big Hole. --- Dave
3) In a similar vein of Erasmus' debtors prison, I propose bringing back another solution to poverty: indentured servitude.
The gripe that there are no jobs in this globalised economy is hogwash. There are plenty of jobs out there for everybody. The problem is that they're not in the areas where the unemployed live. I'm no economist, but I would venture to say that no matter who you are and what sort of skills you have (or lack for that matter) there is a job somewhere in the world that someone will pay you to do. Unfortunately, not everyone (especially poor, unemployed people) has the money or resources to travel to find work outside their area. If there are no jobs in the city or region where such people live why not offer them work and housing in another area or another country (including travel fees) if they agree to work it off...plus a bit of interest for the employer, naturally.
In many ways this is already being done with migrant workers in the apple (Jamaicans) and tobacco (Mexicans) industries. I'm sure there are other rich countries that could use some hardworking American laborers for all sorts of things -from au pairs and childminders, to construction and factory workers. Let's bring them to where they are needed and who knows, maybe they'll settle there, learn the language, alter their names and integrate into the society. They may even learn a new trade or skill, adapting to their environment, kickstarting that stalled American trait...ingenuity. On the other hand if more join them they will form a defensive minority community, protest the gov't and get harrassed by the indeginous ethnic majority. A real immigrant experience. But who cares? The point is they'll be working, not sitting around and complaining for lack of jobs.
Whether you like it or not we live in a globalised economy. Folks, it's time for a globalised workforce.
-Ross
If you have a Modern Problem that needs solving and would like an absurd proposal feel free to add a comment.
1) When dealing with the issue of poverty why must we re-invent the wheel? Our forefathers had an answer and it was called debtors' prison. If one did not have the money to pay bills then it was off to prison until the family could raise the money to release them. This sounds like a simple incentive program to me. Perhaps even those who find themselves in a poverty situation could staff the prisons. Now that is capitalism at its best!
There is yet another benefit to re-instituting debtors' prisons... I foresee a literary renaissance starting. Daniel Defoe spent time in a debtors' prison. Charles Dickens's father was in a debtors' prison thus forcing young Charles to work in a blacking factory at the age of twelve. Would Dickens have the gritty insight for his stories without this life experience? O. Henry spent time in prison (not debtors' prison, but prison nonetheless). There seems to be a connection between incarceration and creativity. So if we want more Defoes, Dickens, and Henrys we had best re-institute debtors' prisons now! --- Erasmus
2) It would be in the best interests of this great nation to put the unused masses to work. Perhaps a massive public works program can provide the necessary training and discipline to get these people back on their feet. We've all heard of the Big Dig in Massachusetts. Our government could start a more literal Big Dig in Nevada to create a second Grand Canyon.
Those who are unemployed or working poor who refuse to work can be made to work on a duplicate of one of our most beloved yet awkwardly named national treasures. Income, education, and tourism can all be bolstered by toiling in the hot sands of Nevada. We can prove that man can work faster than erosion. We can prove that man can solve poverty with mindless, back-breaking work. We can prove that our naming of things is quite lame by calling it the Great Big Hole. --- Dave
3) In a similar vein of Erasmus' debtors prison, I propose bringing back another solution to poverty: indentured servitude.
The gripe that there are no jobs in this globalised economy is hogwash. There are plenty of jobs out there for everybody. The problem is that they're not in the areas where the unemployed live. I'm no economist, but I would venture to say that no matter who you are and what sort of skills you have (or lack for that matter) there is a job somewhere in the world that someone will pay you to do. Unfortunately, not everyone (especially poor, unemployed people) has the money or resources to travel to find work outside their area. If there are no jobs in the city or region where such people live why not offer them work and housing in another area or another country (including travel fees) if they agree to work it off...plus a bit of interest for the employer, naturally.
In many ways this is already being done with migrant workers in the apple (Jamaicans) and tobacco (Mexicans) industries. I'm sure there are other rich countries that could use some hardworking American laborers for all sorts of things -from au pairs and childminders, to construction and factory workers. Let's bring them to where they are needed and who knows, maybe they'll settle there, learn the language, alter their names and integrate into the society. They may even learn a new trade or skill, adapting to their environment, kickstarting that stalled American trait...ingenuity. On the other hand if more join them they will form a defensive minority community, protest the gov't and get harrassed by the indeginous ethnic majority. A real immigrant experience. But who cares? The point is they'll be working, not sitting around and complaining for lack of jobs.
Whether you like it or not we live in a globalised economy. Folks, it's time for a globalised workforce.
-Ross
If you have a Modern Problem that needs solving and would like an absurd proposal feel free to add a comment.
posted by Dave at 4:27 PM
4 Comments:
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Disclaimer: I'm Dave's brother in law and this is an advertisement for my new book.
But first, let me say the Absurd Men totally rock! They are witty, insightful and, if I may be so bold, quite well groomed.
And I'm sure they want all their loyal readers to buy my book, which is titled "The Radical Elements of Radical Success." It's available at www.lulu.com/RoguePress, and there's a review at www.belisarius.com.
Absurdness Yes!
- Dan
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Hey friends,
So today Dave explained to me what Absurd Men Speak is. While Dave's posts here have been entertaining (sorry I haven't read everything on your blog), for the most part they expressed a genuine opinion about something real. Anyway, obviously I didn't get it when I responded to the poverty post. So, pretend that you were dead serious and you might get my comment. You cought me on a bad day so your blog gave me a place to direct my hostility.
Hope it was fun for you.
Hey at least I wasn't selling cat furniture.
Gerry
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