Wednesday, January 04, 2006

More Solutions to Modern Problems

With winter here in the Northern Hemisphere Absurd Men Speak has taken a moment to discuss the weather, or more to the point fighting the weather. For most of you who live in areas where the snow falls heavy every year you know that clearing roads for drivers can be a hot topic (pun unintended, any resemblance of a pun is strictly coincidental). For most communities salting the roads has been, for decades, the cheapest and most effective way to keep your car on the road. Yet, many people would rather forgo the salt because of the damage it does to their automobile. Others note what excess salt does to the water table and the environment. Absurd Men Speak presents its best alternative solutions to winter salt:

1)Icy road ways are a problem around the world and ice and snow removal pose a problem for everyone. The Autobahn in Germany have heated roadways in various trouble spots throughout their country. Some towns in Western New York sport a melt truck that can melt and remove moisture from the roads at 1 mile per hour. While both systems work they do not do the job as efficiently or cheaply as needed. I suggest that the United States implement a flame system on its road ways to keep our streets clean and safe.

A series of gas grills can be added to our roads, each hooked to a series of Propane tanks and lit aflame during storms. The clean burning gas fires should evaporate moisture before it even hits the ground, thus keeping the streets clear. Of course motion detectors will have to be set up throughout this system in order to shut of the flame while a car passes by, and the tanks will need to be constantly filled but these are service issues that should spark our economy while keeping our automobiles from salt damage while saving our lives. Of course if this system seems too costly we could always affix large Propane flamethrowers to the fronts of our cars and encourage our citizens to drive around town to melt the snow. Either way presents its own incentives. --- Dave

2) We need to turn in our cars for winter. Road salt was never an issue until people were able to drive where ever and when ever they wanted (which is something we really needn't be able to do). We do still need to move about in the winter so I propose we bring back horses and sleighs. It worked for our anscestors. Why wouldn't it work for us? Yes, a horse and sleigh can still slide on an ice covered road, but trust me if conditions were that bad you wouldn't want to be out traveling. Remember the only heat in a sleigh is a blanket and hot water bottle.

If we went back to horses and sleighs winter would be like living in one big theme park. Wouldn't it be wonderful?! -- Erasmus


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