Monday, May 01, 2006

The Most Disturbing Thing Ever

Recently someone posted a comment on an entry about Plattsburgh. They posted it without leaving a name which I think was wise. The disturbing thing about it was that the comment said our "mysterious Plattsburgh" entry was the tipping point for this person's decision to go to SUNY Plattsburgh.

I can't believe that any one could possibly use Absurd Men Speak to help make their most important choices in life. To that, may I suggest to our readers some wonderful life changing choices they can make right now.

STOP WASHING:

We don't enjoy each other's smells any more and that simple fact alone is driving us all away from each other. All those chemical lotions, perfumes and cremes have stunted the human ability to connect by sent. Cleanliness is over-rated. As an experiment one of the new research staff here at AMS has stopped cleaning himself with great results. We're fairly sure that his suffering from Plague has everything to do with his love of rats and nothing more. Also, your clothes will last longer.

STOP READING:

Reading leads to too many dangerous thoughts. With the myriad of printed works available man has come up with some very interesting and good things, but by and far the power to think is too unwieldy for any of us. Hell, even Hitler wrote a book, and don't get me started on Dr. Phil. Don't apply this suggestion to Absurd Men Speak.

KICK A PUPPY:

For too long puppies have lorded cuteness over us. It's disruptive. That goes for any animal really. Don't think they wouldn't eat you if given the chance. Even bunnies, don't let their vegetarian diet fool you. Vicious.

BECOME A VEGETARIAN:

See how many people will go out of their way to become your friend and listen to how eating animals is wrong and bad for the body to boot. Also, there are a lot of chicks in this club.

2 Comments:

Blogger Epictetus said...

Further proof that absurdity is contagious!

Thursday, May 04, 2006 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

Now if we could only get more people to play video games all day.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 6:31:00 PM  

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