Friday, April 28, 2006

Love: A Dangerous Thing in the Past

In a world of random "hook-ups", frequent cohabitation, and a general decline of respect for love and relationships, the ideas of courtship enjoyed by our ancestors seems very foreign. I have come to realize that love and the expression of it also at one time had very serious and potentially dangerous conseqences. I propose that this was for the best and we should return to this noble way of interacting with the opposite sex.

I have come to these thoughts through my reading of the greats of literature. Recently I have turned to Hermann Hesse and his novel "Gertrude." The protagonist of the tale, Kuhn, expresses his love for the fair Gertrude which in the end she is not willing to accept and instead falls for the abusive and brooding Heinrich Mouth (good girls always fall for bad boys). When Gertrude tells Kuhn of this she ends by saying, "Please forgive me and don't do anything to him."

"Don't do anything to him." This is an interesting request. Gertrude obviously expects that Kuhn will demand satisfaction from Mouth, or at least have strong words with him that may lead to violence. How wonderful! In a way this reminds me of Young Werther asking for a brace of pistols.

If only we could return to a time like this, not because of the violence but because of the honor. Love is serious business and our actions should point to this reality.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Messiahs Neck and Neck

Not mine:

Its neck and neck folks! Jesus by a nose wait! Here comes the Mahdi! GWB proclaims we are One Nation Under God, but Iran has brought out the Nuclear whip and is goading Armegeddon to pull ahead!Wait...whats this folks? Its Buddha! Oh Sorry...Buddha was just lazily standing in the sun, enjoying itself munching grass as the 2 contenders raced by!It seems we also have an inquiry into the status of one of the racing messiahs. It seems the Jews are demanding proof that Jesus is actually the Messiah..And the winner is....PHOTO FINISH!Race Results Pending.

From GLP: pishUser ID: 767384/23/2006 2:48 AM

Thursday, April 13, 2006

How NPR Sucked the Rock Out of Me

I put people in jail for a living. So some people might have been forgiven for thinking that I am a stiff. And some might think I sold out, or cashed in my scruples. Well fuck you all.

Causality is thought to track, there are too many variables. But this I know for sure. The last three years I have listened to little else but NPR, preferably the more talk the better. Well, about two years ago I started listening to Punk, but then that was short lived and it always seemed hypocritical to want to sing along with some good old song about anarchy in my suit on my way to court to give a guy a plea offer to spend the next 2 years in prison. Punk was a little lashing out, an undercurrent, but it wasn't long lived. And so on and on with NPR, morning edition on my alarm clock, All Things Considered on the way to Town Court, Fresh Air at lunch. Man have I learned a lot. I always have something on point, witty and informative to say about everything. God bless NPR. But what is the cost? Its not the $50 membership I never sent them (I may be a lawyer but I ain't flush--my infamous motorcycle is on the chopping block--though I don't think I can sell it because it was bought with nearly 95% credit and now I owe more than the bike is worth!)

Incidentally, the motorcyle was another attempt to get out of my stultifying life, and it works.

So, here I am listening to all this talk about everything--war, pesticide, infanticide, movies, television, agriculture, literature, culture, art, politics, hurricanes, etc... And I have found that it has sucked the life out of me. I had lost the je ne se quais (sp?) of life. I had become an automaton. Camus railed against abstraction, and man am I abstract. I didn't often listen to any of my over 90 hours of music.

So how did I realize what the absence of music was doing to me? I started copying my CDs into my harddrive and putting them on shuffle. I also watched School of Rock. Man, Rock Rocks. All silliness aside. Music is a gateway to passion. When I left music for information and abstraction I left passion behind. I am sure I did this for a reason. I could say that the music had gotten tired for me, but then maybe I was no longer connecting with it because of something I was going through--I was shutting it off. Well its back, music can heal. Whether its Rock or the Blues or Classical or whatever, music helps you to come alive. Those old hymns aren't in the liturgy for nothing.

So now I am no longer The Man--I spend my time trying to stick it to him instead. I can go back to listening to my Ramones. I can say fuck it to the world of dreary news; as long as I find out about the draft with enough time to cross the border what do I need news for? Ignorance is bliss. Its time to rock, brother. Turn up the Zeppelin.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Quest for the Historical Jesus or Was Jesus Divine... Get a New Theory

Every year around Easter time the main-line press (both broadcast and print) run numerous stories on Jesus Christ. The trend of late is to cast doubt on traditional understandings of the person of Christ. Whatever? I'm not going to debate any of these issues today, but I would like to point out that these issues are nothing new.

I was informed that last week on "Dateline NBC" there was an interview with an author who does not believe that Jesus was divine. So What? Lots of people don't think that Jesus was divine... they're called Jews and Muslims. Actually the Bible is full of people who don't think Jesus was God. They killed him, remember? So I say, "Get over yourself and at least come up with a theory that is newer than two thousand years."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Gaius Germanicus Stricken with Existential Crisis Over Seal Hunt

Caption: Gaius Germanicus just prior to being taken away by men in white suits.

April 4, 2006
TERRA FIRMA: Gaius Germanicus, virtually unknown blogger, was taken away by unidentified men in white lab coats this evening after an existential crises over the hotly contested "Seal Hunt." Evidence of his impending collapse was evident in his last blog entry. While musing on fundamental questions he collapsed into a lump of pretentious wasteproduct and had to be carted away before he continued to "drag down the blog" said Blogger in Chief, Dave.

It is expected that Mr. Germanicus will return to the blog, however, Herr Visheyvashy, Doctor of Philosophic Medicine, has told AMS he is prescribing a ban on all posting on issues regarding seals or other cute semi-aquatic animals for Mr. Germanicus.

They're Just Seals / They're Just Fetuses

For a lively Debate:


We can't be losing half our audience over the idea that we might have ideals or causes. AMS has never touched abortion--too touchy gentlemen? Methinks, perhaps.

What a complicated world. I feel like that fetus looks. Twenty some odd weeks old or so and already world-weary. But then, there I go, personifying; maybe.

But then again, just try not to personify or anthropomorphize that little seal.

To overgeneralize, the same people who protest the seal hunt condone abortion. The same people that support the seal hunt condemn abortion. I am not taking sides, just pointing something out. I know each sides "right answer" to explain the position as a cohesive set of values, but still, WTF?

Look at the photos and try to wrap your head around that for a moment. Are these two things of equal value? Is there a value on either of them? Does "value" make sense here? Are these distinctions without differences?

Perception, illusion, truth, lies; can you impose order on this disordered world? Can you do what Hegel failed? Or all these differences meaningless, all these likenesses imagined? Does it really matter?

Shall we choose nihilism in the face of the Absurd? The Pointless and Chaotic?

Or shall we choose a paradigm of our or another's making. If Hegel, Spinoza, Heidegger, et al. couldn't do it without error, problems and fundamental breakdowns of logic, can you? Take refuge in the Church (its not called a sanctuary for nothing)? Choose New Age, Post Modernism, Drugs, or become Born Again? Choose a model, no matter how hard you try you will bottom out at faith. Is that enough?

What does your faith in reason, faith in God, faith in celebrity, faith in science, faith in your political party, or whatever it is you believe in, tell you about the Great Seal Hunt and the real questions beneath it all. What is life worth and is worth a valid measurement?

Sitemeter Says AMS Readership Up

More people are visiting Absurd Men Speak lately, largely due to provocative articles on baby seals, Plattsburgh AFB, Antrax and the Annuki (buried deep in an obscure post). The baby seals is perhaps a watershed moment for us, thanks to Epictetus's timely post. Additionally, the government continues to be interested in AMS with the latest data mining happening on April 3 from the Department of the Interior (they were interested in the Plattsburgh AFB post). We have had visitors from the Republic of Georgia, Indonesia and Germany as well as the UK and Canada.

What is most encouraging is that the average time people spend on our site is 0 seconds! So if you haven't been here before you probably haven't read this far!

But then who cares, onward and upward AMS--at least numerically.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Omen and Reginald Denny

So I was watching The Omen the other day and had a thought during the scene at the zoo. For those of you who don't remember Gregory Peck's wife brings the child for a fun day at the zoo. While they're driving through the Baboon pen the Baboons go nuts and attack their car.

The woman stops. Which is surprising, because the Baboons want them, want to kill that evil little kid. It's a natural response, one that I think the majority of us would have. Only a few people would continue to drive through.

Take the instance of Reginald Denny. During the LA riots, caused in part by the Rodney King beating, Denny was driving his truck minding his own business. A group of guys stood in front of his truck and in a move that caused some of comedy's best question and answer periods, Denny stopped. The group proceeded to beat the crap out of him. Why did he stop? He was in danger, but he was in a truck. You might think that if you were in danger you'd plow through it with your car. Yet even today people stop. Like Frank Jude who was beaten by off duty cops in Wisconsin. Movies made even today re-inforce the idea of stopping when in danger, like the remake of War of the Worlds.

On the flip side of this of course is the Tiananmen Square incident. The Chinese military had tanks up against that little thin guy. No contest. Armies seem to learn faster than the public.

Somewhere in us is a part that refuses to hurt other people and things even at the cost of our own safety. Unless of course those things happen to be Seals. Fuck those cute, fuzzy, wide-eyed fish lovers. Who can't resist the need to clobber them with a Hakapick. It's only natural. Like fox hunting with a pack of dogs.

Get Your Bits Clipped

Look at this guy's picture, who wouldn't ask him to cut off thier balls?