Friday, May 12, 2006

Illegal Immigration: Solved

I won't give a huge exposition about illegal immigration. Everybody has an opinion and for the most part everyone's right. Whether you support amnesty, a wall, deportation, the bottom line is stricter security at the border, with better checks of vehicles through the crossing points.

To that may I suggest that Congress pass a proposal that I finished last night in my basement. It's cooler down there, that's the only reason I was down there.

Seriously.

Can we get off the basement thing? I should have never mentioned it. Anyway, what is needed to make checking all tractor trailers quick and easy is to require that all containers must be see through. Strong, durable plastics have been around since the space program began. There should be no excuse for why shipping companies can't switch to a Tupper Ware based delivery system.

Even if the illegals climb into the trucks, under that hot sun they'd bake, or at least go bad. And that's with burping the lid.

Cost too much to R & D, and implement? There are at least 3 states I can think of that don't need the Homeland security funding we sent them; Idaho, Wisconsin and Montana. Can you think of any more? I bet you can. To put that money to good use they could develop the new clear shipping materials, creating a whole new industry from which they could generate jobs and boost their economy. Now where will they get the workers?

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Most Disturbing Thing Ever

Recently someone posted a comment on an entry about Plattsburgh. They posted it without leaving a name which I think was wise. The disturbing thing about it was that the comment said our "mysterious Plattsburgh" entry was the tipping point for this person's decision to go to SUNY Plattsburgh.

I can't believe that any one could possibly use Absurd Men Speak to help make their most important choices in life. To that, may I suggest to our readers some wonderful life changing choices they can make right now.

STOP WASHING:

We don't enjoy each other's smells any more and that simple fact alone is driving us all away from each other. All those chemical lotions, perfumes and cremes have stunted the human ability to connect by sent. Cleanliness is over-rated. As an experiment one of the new research staff here at AMS has stopped cleaning himself with great results. We're fairly sure that his suffering from Plague has everything to do with his love of rats and nothing more. Also, your clothes will last longer.

STOP READING:

Reading leads to too many dangerous thoughts. With the myriad of printed works available man has come up with some very interesting and good things, but by and far the power to think is too unwieldy for any of us. Hell, even Hitler wrote a book, and don't get me started on Dr. Phil. Don't apply this suggestion to Absurd Men Speak.

KICK A PUPPY:

For too long puppies have lorded cuteness over us. It's disruptive. That goes for any animal really. Don't think they wouldn't eat you if given the chance. Even bunnies, don't let their vegetarian diet fool you. Vicious.

BECOME A VEGETARIAN:

See how many people will go out of their way to become your friend and listen to how eating animals is wrong and bad for the body to boot. Also, there are a lot of chicks in this club.