Monday, July 25, 2005

Kids at The Movies

I go to a lot of movies. I end up going to a few of them after midnight. I have to tell you, here in the city, there is trend that needs to end. Parents bringing their babies to scarry movies after 10pm.

It happens every time I go to the movies. This past weekend I went to a 12:30am showing of Devil's Rejects (great by the way). A father brought his 3 or 4 year old child in, in a stroller. As soon as the trailers started the kid flipped out. The staff asked the guy to leave and begrudgingly he walked out.

Why bother? If you're a parent I can understand that you might need a night out. Leave the kid at home. If you can't afford a babysitter and the movie, be wise. Set money aside every month so that you can do both.

If parents don't listen to that simple advice, the theatres should take a note from the Government. Tax bad behavior. Why do theatres charge less for children than adults? They both take up the same amount of seating. Let's say that if you go to the movies before 9pm the pricing stays the same as it is today in your local movie house. Than, from 9 to 10pm the price of a child's ticket should be the same as an adult's. After 10pm each child should be charged $50 for seating. That way it would be cheaper to get a baby sitter than to take the kid to a night showing.

We can tax parents for all sorts of bad behavior. A $30 fee for unruly children in a restuarant. $70 a day for kids who act up in class (we could have a sliding scale based on age). I'm sure there are plenty of other great ways to screw parents.

There may be some concern that the parents won't be able to pay for all their infractions. That's fine, what they can do is sell or rent their least favorite child to major corporations. I'm sure the companies won't mind. They could mark it down as subsidizing families in exchange for have tiny workers and in some cases an endless supply of child actors for mindless commercials for eternity.

Write your Congressman today and request legislation to reign in the evil, irresponsible parents of the world. My comfortable movie going experience is at stake.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Tolerance: A Stupid Concept

Yeah, I said it. Tolerance is stupid concept. I used to be like you and preached tolerance, everyone should be tolerant of one another. Then I had a conversation with a friend of mine in which he said "I don't want to be tolerated." That made me think. I don't want to be tolerated either.

People tolerate the weather. People tolerate waiting for packages they ordered through the mail. They tolerate long lines, stomache aches, and computer viruses. They tolerate loud noises, ineffective government, stubbed toes and that one copy machine at the office that just can't ever work quite right. People tolerate things, it doesn't mean they like it.

I don't want to be tolerated. If you walk into a room with people in it, how comfortable are you going to be if people just tolerate you. The sighing, the rolled eyes, the siding away from you. That's what tolerance is. Think about the hotest, muggiest day you've ever had to spend without an air-conditioner. You're sweaty, annoyed and uncomfortable. You tolerated it because you had to in order to stay alive. I don't want people to feel that way around me.

What people should be asking for is acceptance. If you are white and you live in the south, I don't want you to tolerate black people. I want you to accpet them. If you're in college and are an extremely liberal person, I want you to accept conservative opinions instead of shouting them down. If you're an evangelical christian anywhere in the US I want you to accept gays, couples living out of wedlock, abortion doctors, people who swear, people who don't believe in God and any one with a differing opinion to your view of salvation.

I have a horrible feeling that tolerance is requested because that's the best anyone can expect from human beings. Call me an idealist, but in America we have to do better. If you have a strong opinion about something, great, you should have that opinion. You should share that opinion. But when some one has a different opinion, debate it, don't just pass it off as being wrong.

Try this. Why shouldn't gays have the right to civil unions in the US? Or marry in their church and have the rights that other people have when they marry in their church? Why is that so unacceptable? Is it because 2000 years ago someone thought they heard God say so? Great, God says its bad. Fine. But shouldn't people have the right to exorcise their free will in regards to sex and love? Shouldn't the US facilitate that, to "sin" or not "sin" in this social context. Go out and talk about your opinions of sex but don't stop people's liberty in the US.

Most social issues stem from this tolerance problem. Bob Jones University forbade bi-racial couples because in their opinion the mixing of the races was a crime against nature and God. They eventually removed the rule, but that was because of public pressure, not enlightenment. So much for tolerance.

In the end tolerance without acceptance is like freedom without justice and liberity... completely useless. So if you hear someone asking people to be tolerant kick them in the balls and then punch them in the face. I mean... have an ice cream.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

My Evil Boxes

I'm tardy on writing this entry by a week. For one thing I was out of the country. For another I have tiny evil boxes that keep me occupied for much of my time.

Two months ago I got a Hi-Def DV Record cable box. I figured I could stream line my viewing. I could eliminate wayward channel surfing and the need to be home on time for fear of missing my programs. Both of these things were accomplished. The third reason for getting the recording device was the expectation that I would save time. Not having to sit in front of the TV waiting for a program to start and not just wildly watching after the programs' end would allow me to do everything I want to do during the day.

Something unexpected happened though. I'm recording more than I can consume. Movies I haven't seen, movies that I want to see again, TV shows I've heard about but was never around to see, TV shows that aired during other shows I watched. All of these things and more have added up to more than 50 hours of video on my cable box. What's worse is that I want to watch it all, just not necessarily when I have the time to. With the fact that I was out of the country last week, I am now behind in my viewing by more than a week.

This could all be one thing I could deal with. However, at the beginning of the year I started one of those mail only DVD rental deals. I get 3 disks for as long as I need. When I watch one I send it in and get the next one in my line of choices. I count myself lucky. I only have 40 titles in my queue. I know people who have over 100 titles. Some of them have the DVR cable box too.

Don't get me started on my Video Games.

All of this adds up to a total overload of information.

I know its my choice to get weighed down by all this. I got the cable box, I got the DVD thing. I need to get entertained though. I'm not a successful guy. I need something I can blame for that. Too much entertainment is the perfect match.

The other side of this for me is that I've been trying to write an article for my Brother-in-Law. The topic I chose: Illiteracy. Why? I think too many people read, at least read the wrong things. That's right, I want to start an Illiteracy program in the US.

I just can't finish the article in a timely fashion because I need constant video and sound input. I have a terrible feeling that media sources take advantage of this. Follow me...

If I need to consume 50+ hours of television, 90% of which is pure entertainment, how am I going find out whether the Media or Public Officials are telling me the truth. Or even question whether their telling the truth. Those two groups often count on the fact that the average person will not look farther into the issues they hand us. They count on it because we are inundated with gross amounts of white noise packaged neatly onto channels devoted to movies, sports, comedy, golf, the home, courts, shopping, entertainment, music (except for MTV, total ass), women, the arts. I could go on but you know, you have cable too. With all of this pointless stuff we deserve whoever ends up in office.

Unless I give up my cable I'm always going to be behind. But if I give up cable I won't be able to relate to the popular culture around me. I might actually start reading informative pieces. I might go to City Council meetings, volunteer my time to improve my community. Without cable I would be so bored I might even call my mom and have a conversation.

Remember this, successful people don't watch a lot of television. They spend their time doing things they enjoy. They also never wonder why they haven't done anything with their lives. Just think; if I didn't love "the Simpsons" so much, I might have actually become someone you've heard of, instead of a guy ranting on the internet.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

What is in a name?

Since we are absurd men speaking I have to be careful as to what my real name is since I am a somewhat public figure. I have taken a nom de plume for the purposes of this blog, but I have not chosen it lightly. Erasmus is an interesting figure of the Protestant revolution and the Catholic reformation of the 16th century. Since one point of absurd men is to often use references that they believe all should know, I will not elaborate any more.

I hope that some of what I write in the coming days and years will provoke some thought and probably be mis-understood just as was the real Erasmus.

Friday, July 01, 2005


We're open to several points of view here. So many points of view in fact, that we've had our eyes segmented. The internet has provided a way for an infinite number of views to be expressed, commented on and refined. That's one reason why we leave our "Comment" area open to anybody who wants to join in the insanity. That and there's always the off chance hot chicks will want our phone numbers.

I'd like nothing more than to keep that avenue open for everyone (mostly for the chicks). Recently someone advertised on the blog anonymously which left us a little puzzled. We didn't know who did it.

That's just silly. If you're going to sell cat food on our site be honorable, give yourself a name, use your name for instance. Unless you're not proud of yourself. That's cool too.

The second thing of course was the absurd placement of the ad which made us laugh, sense it was placed on an entry of self promotion by one of our guys. Hilarious, I loved it.

I'm only writing this because I want to be fair to anybody who is going to put ads up here in our open "Comment" field. This may not be the best site to promote your goods. This is Absurd Men Speak. Anything can happen. Somebody could write about the wonders of National Naked Day. Somebody might write about how parents who kill their children should be exonerated for helping to get rid of potentially inherited insanity. At Absurd Men Speak illegal immigration could be solved by driving more illegal immigrants into the desert and leaving them in the truck. Now I'm not saying that the next three articles I write may have questionable ethics and dubious merit. I'm saying that having your product linked to our site might drive people far away from giving you money, far, far away.

I need to point out again that the site is open, we're not going to go out of our way to keep you from making money, just put your name on things you say. Anonymity is absurd, unless you're Mark Felt and Liddy is trying to find and kill you.